Current Mood: discouraged

I couldn’t have imagined it when I was a kid… that I’d ever not be excited about Christmas. This year, I’ve just not gotten into it though. I’ve had no desire send out any Christmas cards. I don’t want to bake anything. I’ve had negative desire to put up my tree. I’m actually pretty positive that’s not going to happen. Even watching Christmas movies isn’t giving me the warm fuzzies about it. Yep, just call me Ebenezer Scrooge.

Its just not the same this year. And I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe its because I’m so busy that I’ve not had time to even think about any of it. Work pretty much owns me this time of year. We’re even forced to sign a waiver at the end of October stating that we’ll pretty much be at their beckon call and that we can’t take any vacation/personal time for the rest of the year. Most of us are lucky if we get one weekend a month off, and this coming weekend was supposed to be mine. The “powers that be” have now called an “all hands on deck” weekend so I have to work. I’m not terribly upset about it. I actually kinda expected it. I guess I’ll be happy to take the overtime while they’re letting us have it. So much for my Christmas shopping this weekend though.

Christmas just seems so commercial… and yes, I’m fully aware that its been that way for years. It just seems even more-so to me this year. And to make it even less personal, all of my family is pretty much trading gift cards to Lowe’s, the mall, Wal-Mart… whatever. Parts of my family aren’t even going to get together this year because they just can’t find the time. And I usually only see them once a year anyway… at Christmas. Some of them I haven’t seen in several years because nobody seems to want to show up anymore. Its sad.

The one time this year that I kinda got a good feeling about Christmas was last Sunday at church. I hadn’t been to church in a while, mainly because of work, but there are other reasons too. We won’t get into all of that now though. Anyway, it was the first time I’d been to this particular church and I really enjoyed it. The pastor is in the middle of a series he’s preaching about the colors of Christmas. It was good stuff. I’m sure I’ll be going back, probably this Sunday, even though I’m sure I’ll have to go alone and then rush to work afterward.

Actually, there was one other time I was excited about Christmas… Angie and I went to the Gaither Christmas Homecoming concert in Nashville a few weeks ago. It was absolutely fabulous! That night, I kinda felt a twinge of the Christmas spirit. It even snowed that night on our way back home. That was an awesome night full of wonderful Christmas music spent in my favorite place with one of my best friends. I’d like to rewind and do that night again.

I don’t like feeling this way at all, but I just can’t shake it. Christmas should be one of the happiest times of year. It always has been for me. We’re supposed to be celebrating our Savior’s birth for crying out loud. Sometimes I wish we didn’t buy gifts at all. All the headache of the gift exchange stuff gets in the way of what Christmas is about. I really don’t mean to be so grump-tastic, I guess I just miss the way Christmas used to be when I was a kid and all of the family got together. Christmas meant something then and didn’t seem like such a chore. I’m really hoping something happens to get me out of this. Perhaps if I take the Kings of Leon CD out of my car for the next week and listen to David Phelps on repeat… Maybe that’ll do it.