Current Mood: contemplative

I’ve been thinking a lot about age lately; particularly my age. I’m getting older, and my control-freak self wants to be able to fix it or slow it down, but there’s not a thing I can do about it. And, I think this birthday coming up is really going to get to me. I’m going to be 33 at the end of this month. THIRTY THREE! It doesn’t seem real.

I can remember when I thought 30 was old and now I’m older than that. But, I don’t think I look old. Maybe I’m in denial. I certainly don’t feel 33. I still feel like I’m 25-ish. And actually, most people usually don’t believe that I’m my age. They usually guess mid-twenties. That’s good, right? I should feel good about that…

And the majority of my friends, they’re younger… several years younger than me actually. Does that mean I’m still kinda cool, or that I’m still somewhat immature? Meh, I don’t really care about that either way. The friends I have right now are some of best I’ve ever had and I love them to pieces! I know I’m pretty immature a lot of the time, but that’s part of what makes me so damn fun!

There are a few things that are kinda aggravating me lately though… for one, I’m not a good judge of another person’s age. I never have been and its getting worse as I get older. Recently I’ve had guys hit on me and ask for my number and I’ve not been able to really tell how old he is. I mean, its obvious if he’s way older, but some of the younger ones…. well, I just can’t tell how old they are so I don’t really know what I’m getting into. For example, some of the guys I work with look and act so much older than they actually are, but they are significantly younger than me. And that would be OK, but what if it goes the other direction?! I’m not dealing with that. I know age really shouldn’t matter… its maturity level and all but really men are childish enough without me picking one ten years younger. Besides, that kinda throws me into that cougar category at that point, doesn’t it? And I’m SO not old enough to be a cougar.

Speaking of cougars, I recently wrote about a night out where my friends and I had the opportunity to observe an abundance of cougars in heat and on the prowl. It was ridiculous and a little scary. They were dressed in clothes intended for women half their age and attacking men young enough to be their sons. And they thought they were cool doing it too! It scares me.. is this what I have to look forward to? Surely not. It was pathetic and I don’t do pathetic.

Ok so really… here’s something I’ve thought about. And it may seem silly, but I really think about this stuff! I like the clothes and shoes at places like Buckle, American Eagle, Charlotte Russe, etc but when does one become too old to wear that stuff without looking ridiculous or like they’re trying too hard? The last thing I want to do is start looking like those silly cougars. I know I’m not old enough to start buying my clothes at Hamrick’s yet, but am I getting too old for the cool stuff?!

Age really is just a number, isn’t it? I’m only as old as I feel, right? In that case, I can wear my Big Star jeans, Rebel Spirit t-shirt, and burn-outs for a little bit longer, can’t I? Gah! I kinda feel like I’m having a mild mid-life crisis, but I’m not old enough for a mid-life crisis yet, am I?!