Current Mood: aggravated

Well, my proven track record remains untarnished. Absolutely every single relationship I’ve ever been in has ended in a similar way. They have all eventually cheated on me. It wasn’t going to happen this time though. This one was the one I thought would be different. This one was supposed to be the good guy, even his friends said so. This one absolutely adored me. We never fought or argued. Things were good. We were like peas and carrots. That’s what he said and so I thought.

I can almost pinpoint the time that things changed. Suddenly there was a different feeling. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something was different. I still don’t have any idea what caused the change and when I questioned him about it, he’d always say that he was worried about money or was tired or work stressed him out. He never would admit something was wrong with us, but in my heart I knew something wasn’t right.

It all makes sense now though. The signs were there. In the past few months he always wanted to know what days I was going to be off work ahead of time. He always wanted to know what time I got off work each day but when I got home he wouldn’t have anything to do with me. He’d just go to bed. Now that I think about it, he kept his cell phone tucked away in his pocket and was constantly checking it and erasing something. I now realize what was going on all this time. And I feel like an absolute fool for not catching it sooner. And I’m furious with myself that I’ve wasted so much time and sacrificed so much. I had big plans three years ago. You guys know.

Since it always ends in a similar way, I have come to the conclusion that it must be me. There’s something wrong with me. There’s something I’m doing that pushes them away. I’m a smart girl, and damn cute too. I’m not one of those clingy needy girls, or at least I don’t believe I am. I’ve never been accused of being crazy or a psycho bitch. I’m not jealous or demanding. Then again, maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I should be a little crazy. Who knows. I’m not going to be something I’m not though. Seriously, it is totally his loss. I know this.

Oh well. I’m not heartbroken. Hell, I haven’t even cried. I just don’t let anyone get that close to me anymore. I am aggravated and confused and just plain mad. But no longer do I have to worry about what’s going on his head or what’s being done behind my back. For the last two years I’ve been in this relationship living under the same roof with him and I’ve felt completely rejected, neglected, and alone. Now I have freedom and an open door of opportunity and possibilities. I am not 100% sure where I’m going or what I’m going to do but I am very excited about it nonetheless.